PDF Download Collateral Damage: Guiding and Protecting Your Child Through the Minefield of Divorce, by Dr. John Chirban
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Collateral Damage: Guiding and Protecting Your Child Through the Minefield of Divorce, by Dr. John Chirban
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Based on research from more than 10,000 surveys from children and parents of divorce, Collateral Damage presents parents with an overview of the negative impact that divorce has on their children and offers ways to better serve their needs at this critical time.
Approximately fifty percent of marriages in the United State fail. Add to that the increasing number of couples who never marry, have children together, and later go their separate ways. In all of these scenarios, children suffer greatly—often in silence, as parents do not know how to effectively guide their kids. When the sorrow and emotional issues of children are not addressed, the cycle of divorce is likely to continue for them and in generations that follow. In addition, while children may appear to be resilient and adjusting, without proper support children of divorce are more prone to drug and alcohol abuse, criminal behavior, mental and physical illness, and suicide. How can parents manage their own hurt, shock, anger, and despair so that they can provide their children with what they need?
While Collateral Damage does not advocate divorce, it does sound a wakeup call for parents. It identifies the landmines inherent in the dangerous terrain of divorce and equips them to help their children not to feel abandoned or unheard. Topics covered include:
- Building the family—not losing it
- Tuning into your kids
- Stabilizing childhood
- Maintaining parent/child roles
- Avoiding the parenting handoff
- Keeping kids out of the war zone
- Instilling trust
- Keeping open lines of communication
- Attuning to guiding, spiritual resources
The unfortunate failure of a marriage does not mean the end of the family. Providing a stable, supportive, healthy relationship with your child demonstrates what a loving relationship looks like, better preparing them for intimate relationships and marriage as an adult.
- Sales Rank: #14970 in Books
- Brand: HarperCollins Christian Pub.
- Published on: 2017-01-17
- Released on: 2017-01-17
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 9.29" h x .79" w x 6.38" l, .85 pounds
- Binding: Hardcover
- 240 pages
- THOMAS NELSON
About the Author
Dr. John T. Chirban has taught classes about relationships, sexuality, and spirituality at his alma mater, Harvard Medical School, for more than thirty years. In addition to teaching at Hellenic College and Holy Cross, he has served also as professor of psychology and chairman of the Program on Human Development for more than thirty years. He is in high demand as an international lecturer on family and spirituality speaking frequently before professional organizations and national societies, and as a guest consultant for magazines, newspapers, and radio shows. Since its inception, he has served on the Advisory Board for the Dr. Phil Show, where he is a frequent guest. He has also served as director of Cambridge Counseling Associates for more than thirty years, serves as a Guardian Ad Litem, in Massachusetts, where he has specializes in helping families through divorce.
Dr. Chirban lives with his children in Carlisle, Massachusetts.
Most helpful customer reviews
3 of 3 people found the following review helpful.
Great book for how to ease the experience of a divorce on kids
By kratzy
Every person that starts thinking about marriage, family and kids always has the hope that every thing will turn out for the best. No one starts thinking about divorce at the beginning of this journey. Even signing a prenup is more done with the hope to never have to use it. Yet despite best intentions, a large number of marriages end in divorce. Such a large number that often couples do not even marry, yet still start a family and eventually also drift apart. What often is overlooked, despite the best intentions by the parents, are the children and how to get them through the breakup of the family.
Dr. Chiban has come up with a well structured, clearly written book that summarizes extensive research on the effect of divorce on children. The structure of the book hits on the main points of his guidance:
Before You Begin: Your Child and Your Divorce
Part 1: Guiding and Protecting Your Children
Chapter 1: Attune to Your Child
Chapter 2: Manage Emotions and Stormy Situations
Chapter 3: Sustain Your Parental Role
Chapter 4: Provide Stability Through Nurturance
Part 2: Navigating Divorce for Parents
Chapter 5: Regain Control—Reclaim Yourself
Chapter 6: Realign Your Relationships
Chapter 7: Redefine Parenting
Chapter 8: Retain Your Parenthood in a Blended Family
Chapter 9: Preserve Loving Relationships
A Final Word: Redirecting Your Divorce Through Spiritual Life
In the end, simply because a marriage fails, does not mean that the family fails. We talk to a lot of people in amicable ways and before and after a marriage spent time with friends. Most of us spent a lot of time at work with colleagues. All of these show healthy relationships that many times exist over years without a bond such as marriage. While ideally a divorce never happens, what Dr. Chiban shows is that keeping a relationship with your child is something both parents need to do because of the consequences if they don't. Often children going through a divorce bear deep emotional scars and have a tendency to seek solace in alcohol, criminal acts and show mental instability in later life. Managing the divorce in a way that minimizes the impact on a child is important and maintaining a healthy relationship despite a divorce is important and Dr Chiban's book is an excellent guideline for any parent who faces a divorce, but wants to minimize its impact on their child.
Disclaimer: I received a free book in exchange for an honest review. The opinion expressed is solely my own and has not been influenced by any third party.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
A Must Read for Divorcing Parents.
By Amazon Customer
Excellent book. Really tackles the real effects of divorce on folks who have children. They ARE the collateral damage of the dissolution of the
family unit. Very well written with good illustrations of what children, who are now adults, felt and experienced when their parents divorced.
Very timely for the age of families dissolving on a daily basis. A must read for parents who need to understand how divorce truly affects their
children. Children are not as resilient when the parents squabble and fight and cause a rift in the parenting of the child and giving them the
love and security they need to feel on a daily basis. Very good read.
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
an okay book!
By BRITLUVER20021
It took me a while to read this book. I did not like how slow the pace was and had trouble getting into it. This book is about how divorce affects both children and parents. It shares stories of how children handled divorce with quotes about how they felt during that time. I liked the quote on page 7 which says " Research reveals disturbing information about the plight for children of divorce: when the family structure breaks, the children turn elsewhere, often to peers and the media, and may embrace deviancy and recklessness. They may act out for needed attention and become primary targets for street gangs, drug dealers, and sexual abuse. Children of divorce are more likely to be involved in crime and die at younger ages than children from intact homes, and they are also more prone to suicide. When they get older, children of divorce are more likely to go through a divorce themselves and to bear children out of wedlock. Adults with divorced parents are 38 percent more likely to have a divorce themselves than adults raised in intact families.
What parents should say to their children about divorce is I see you. You are important and invaluable, and you know it. I love you and act in ways that show it. I recognize you and take time to give you the attention you deserve, and we celebrate it. I guide you to discover your true self that shapes your identity, dignity and direction and embrace it.
Disclosure of Material Connection. I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze.com book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, part 255. "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.
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